Thinking about numerous times in my life where I deescalated situations with a person that was mentally not well.
Just recently I was speaking to a woman who I met for the first time who initially was all friends and biggin’ me up till we crossed a point in conversation she had pain points from. She started to come in really hot and she was incapable of letting me finish a sentence. It’s wild when you’re not even finished a sentence to present a vantage but don’t reach it. Understanding what I’m engaging in the moment I don’t take it personal. Sometimes people are more willing to let you finish once they know you better but that’s a terrible way to be… That’s why we can’t evolve together.
People aren’t arguing with you. They’re fighting their internal battles and you’re the mirror.
Remember this if you care to communicate better and have better relations. Alas, you’d have to actually be something of a humanist for this to even be your way.
A close friend of mine started going to therapy on Tuesday’s a few years back. While I don’t attend conventional therapy I picked up the practice of using Tuesday as a day I do my own brand of therapy, namely various #selfwork practices and minimal if anytime online. Just so happens I have an event tonight to prepare for, so that changes my routine. Still I’ll take it slow, handle what I need to and continue #TherapyTuesday slightly modified.
If you don’t already have a day slated for ‘you’ time and aren’t in any manner of conventional therapy I invite you to consider circling a day on your calendar for you to decompress, reboot, be introspective. However you choose describe it. If you can’t mark a day every week at least attempt for two within a month. Make a contract with yourself that you will not break and go deeper than a simple spa day. Work on the inner and outer. Appreciate the life form that you are and grow your relationship with you.
I’m forty. That doesn’t matter to me in the least. But for you reading possibly an important tidbit of information. I decided last year that I’d transition into being a full time painter (not limited to that medium of course, for I am a multi disciplined artist.) But for awhile I’ll stay focused in the visual zone of expression. There’s no cleaning or clearing of slates for me just continuing. Adding to the story. A story that I am purposely creating. This reality that I realized over the years I have control over for the most part. I choose this life I’m living based on my actions. My thoughts. My motion in the direction of what I desire. Dedicated to study. To self mastery. To enjoyment of this amazing thing we call life. Being self aware or ‘Conscious’.
I found some wood a few minutes after I walked out of Blick where I picked up the most basic of supplies in all of eleven minutes or less. In any case, the the cost of the tiny haul was a little over eleven bucks. It consisted of 9×10 artist pads. One newsprint. The other tracing paper. (Both dirt cheap.) Three pens. Fine and ultra fine Sharpies. Plus a German born black ink, fine 0,4 Stabilo pen.
At Capital One’s cafe on Union Square, I scribbled the majority of these characters on the newsprint paper I’d purchased while waiting for my phone to charge before I headed to the Bronx. A continuation of the ‘study’ I started that morning on the reverse of the negative metallic ink on black paper I investigated.
This wood piece I worked on was the least filty of the group of four I selected from and pulled from the street. I didn’t wipe it down or treat it. I just dove in placing one full page of sketches, followed by a few cut out from other premade pages and arranged. After bit of paint and doctoring, the rest is history. Very brief history.
The teacher appears. I fathom the teacher is ever present, just invisible because perhaps our egos deliberately stand as opaque figures in our respective lines of sight. Or more likely they are cloaked. One is lucky enough to develop a way of thinking early that looks at the puzzle of life as a series of challenges to meet, engage, build a gainful relationship with and ultimately divorce (in some cases.) Enthused by the opportunity to think laterally. To find or even feel the lessons and bliss or both in cognition. The magic that pulses between each breath of thought. A myriad of things may rob one of this chance. Tradition and intelligence often are nefarious participants in what some conspiracist would deem a ruse which purpose is to keep you from a knowing. Funny though, in order for one to know or ‘be’, one has not the time to busy themselves with conspiracy.
There are no shortages of teachers in life, for true living is a constant education.
Today for the first time I really looked at a piece and recognized what I was saying about me and my current experience. I’ve been working a lot this year on pieces and towards the fall I made a decision to create as a painter close to full time. In a process I’d describe as eluding the ego filter, I’m allowing the energy of the unknown to flow through me; directly into pieces. Mostly, there is no thought. In some cases a dance and something mathematical happening. It’s free flowing. Free of anxiety. I’m working on letting go and discovering the results of pure creation.
The sketch above is in colored pencil. I don’t sketch often. I don’t draw. I rarely illustrate. This was a challenge that epitomizes me letting go and allowing. Upon exploring the work I could see it depicts me standing tallish and stretching out while navigating troubled beings. Beings I once held similar position with. I now face the challenge of being surrounded by many who hold my former mentality, in a world to them that resembles how I once felt.
There are things I know that I’ll only share through being. The accumulated experiences of my life as it pertains to my current incarnation are immense. Irrefutable. Even with that I continue peeling back layers, letting go of all to access all. The catalyst for this thing called ‘enlightenment’ is to simply ask; while being open sans judgement. Open and willing to forget what you think you know and believe and be prepped to really KNOW. To master self is integral. Stripping away worry, fear and doubt… Tapping into your inherent ability to create. Moving like a child with the wisdom of experience. Touching nature. Referring to nature. Not being at odds with it. Not being at odds with you.
I cannot explain to you the experience you must have to know. I cannot give you stillness. I cannot do self-work for you . I’ll only suggest to go within. To study you. To realize what struggle and suffering are in order to overcome these illusions. Do these things so that you may dance with knowing.
I could say yesterday I slit the side of the tip of the middle finger on my right hand and it’s difficult. Obviously it is possible. I’ve typed what you’re reading up to this point, so what other excuses do I have? None. I just haven’t thought enough about writing to actually do it or thought to actually make a move on the keyboard in vehement fashion. The truth of the matter is there are a plethora of things I’m passionate about it. Perhaps I need more passion about being passionate. As of late though I have been very creative. I’ve been reminding myself to create regularly because alas that is why I am here. So I shall do the same with writing. Basically create the new habit. (How do I now trigger it?!) I do not like to ‘waste’ time. Writing into the void and noise of the internet can feel a futile act. Still, I know better. Even if the exercise is just for me, putting a vibe out matters in the larger scheme . Fini.